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Who doesn’t love a frank and honest listing

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A brutally honest listing for a clanger in Brisbane has summed up it up perfectly in just six words.

“No toolbox needed – just a bulldozer,” the listing for 15 Victoria St in Fairfield says.

Written by AgentM agents Michael Mangelakis and Ivy Lin, there are none of the usual, over-the-top descriptors used by many agents with a daily word count target.

“Rarely available in the inner parts of Brisbane, here is a knockdown and start again opportunity,” the listing says.

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15 Victoria St Fairfield just needs a bulldozer

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On a 680sq m block, the low set Stucco brick home is in “poor condition” and “truly not worth renovating”.

It does have three bedrooms but it is “rundown”.

The agents offered two options post-demolition – build a dream home or develop the site with units or townhouses.

The vendors are willing to consider “all serious interest from $950,000”, the listing says.

Call in the bulldozers.

One of only three listing pictures

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But at least that listing got down to business. No fancy adjectives, or references to seamless indoor/outdoor living, character charm or city vistas.

Another listing in New Farm, that could easily have taken the same approach, spruiked a property that is “not in a state of habitation” as an “exceptional opportunity” and an “enticing prospect” for the “astute renovators or visionary developers”.

And a “house” on the Gold Coast was described as a “realm of untapped potential and endless opportunities”.

It was not a house. It was a caravan listed for offers over $19,500. And it is now under offer.

How’s the vibe?

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But it is easy to see why when you can look forward to being “embraced by a spacious lounge” or you can “embark on delightful culinary adventures” in the kitchen, which is seamlessly connected to the dining area.

And just down the road — the “grandeur” that is Metricon Stadium (now Heritage Bank Stadium).

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Or then there are the numerous “great value” eco cabins and studio apartments with “stunning views” on South Stradbroke Island.

Located in the “NEW Couran Cove Island Resort”, they are “perfect for a personal holiday home, families/couples/singles, boaties, fishermen, and investors”.

Couran Cove Resort is currently closed

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But there is a catch, and thankfully it is spelled out in capital letters.

“PLEASE NOTE: CURRENTLY ALL POWER. WATER AND GAS HAS BEEN DISCONNECTED ON COURAN COVE RESORT AND THE RESORT IS CLOSED. THERE IS A LEGAL DISPUTE BETWEEN THE RESORT OWNERS AND THE NUMEROUS BODY CORPORATES. THIS SHOULD BE SORTED OUT WITHIN THE COMING MONTHS.”

Better bring the camp stove.