I called the bitcoin hotline, they said, ‘Please HODL.’

Have you heard of Gordon Ramsay’s new crypto?
– It’s called RAW. It uses proof-of-steak.

They say crypto ruins lives, but it has brought my family closer.
– We live in a one-bedroom apartment now.

Why did Neo invest in Harmony?
– Because he was the ONE.

Today someone was explaining to me how the cryptocurrency market was changing, even though I already knew.
– It was a bit coin descending.

Why crypto investors want a Lamborghini?
– Because Maserati belongs to Fiat.

Why won’t the government embrace BTC?
– They hate the idea of proof of work.

Why does superman hate trading Bitcoin after 7pm?
– Because it’s Crypto-night.

Tesla will never accept ETH because it requires gas.

I have a Bitcoin joke, but it requires too much energy to get it.

How does a zombie pay for things?
– With CRYPTocurrency.

Where does an Inuit keep his crypto?
– In a cold wallet.

How much did it cost to invent bitcoin?
– One Satoshi.

How do you eat a bitcoin?
– With a megabyte.

Spent some cryptocurrency to take digital possession of an image of Gandalf killing the Balrog of Morgoth…
– My first non-fungible Tolkien.

Chuck Norris mines bitcoin by hand.

I asked my crypto-trader friend if they’d lend me a bitcoin.
– They replied: “$43,650? $36,521 is a lot of money. What do you need $27,400 for anyway?”

Never trust the Baha Men with your crypto.
– They let the Doge out.

Cryptocurrencies have been around for centuries. The earliest recorded coins were minted by Pharaoh Inu.
– Unfortunately, it was a pyramid scheme.

How many miners does it take to change a light bulb?
– A million. One miner to change it, and the rest to verify he did it.

What does Smaug, a Balrog and the CCP have in common?
– They are all known for shutting down mining operations.

What do you call a dime with teeth marks?
– A bit coin.

Why do Vampires hate Ethereum?
– Because they are terrified of staking.

How do you make a small fortune in crypto?
– By investing a large fortune.

“I hear that merchants worldwide are gonna start accepting XRP”
– “Well that’ll send a ripple through the industry”

Did you hear about the teenager who bought and staked Ethereum for his weekly allowance?
– It was an act of DEFIance towards his parents.

How did the hipster Bitcoin miner burn out his GPU?
– He was mining before it was cool.

I can’t teach you about blockchain right now, but we can hash the details later.

How can you discover who owns Bitcoin at a party?
– Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

Why shouldn’t you bother someone who collects bitcoins?
– Because they’re mining their own business.